So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
