she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
