I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
