I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
