Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
