our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
