mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize