And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
