Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
