i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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