What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
