Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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