So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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