I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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