There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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