We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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