she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
