this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
