he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
