dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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