U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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