It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize