i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
