I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
