Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Text me some of your sweat
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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