Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
