all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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