im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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