What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
