That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
