saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
