I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
