Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
