that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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