I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
