If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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