Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Its about making memories worth repressing
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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