I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize