I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
