He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
