I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize