The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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