dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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