think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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