We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
