I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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