it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize