Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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