he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
In other news, I just burned my penis
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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