The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
