Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
