32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
