its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
