Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
