So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
