dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
