i would punch a child for taco bell
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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