dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
