Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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