Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
