i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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