he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
