that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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