i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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