I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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