You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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