Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Text me some of your sweat
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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