hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
