Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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