I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
