i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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