I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
