There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
