Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
