he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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