matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
