census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
