when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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