the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
