I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
