Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
