Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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