Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
