You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
