he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
